I’ve been in enough boardrooms, sales calls, and leadership retreats to notice a consistent pattern. People think influence comes from saying more—more data, more slides, more reasons, more words.
But here’s the uncomfortable truth: the more we talk, the less we listen. And the less we listen, the less influence we actually have.
If you’re struggling to get buy-in from your team, your clients, or your peers, it’s not because your ideas aren’t good enough. It’s because you haven’t earned the right to be heard. And earning that right starts with listening—not talking.
The Myth of Influence Through Volume
Somewhere along the way, we confused influence with airtime. We started thinking that the louder or more often we spoke, the more people would follow us.
The opposite is true. The more we dominate a conversation, the more the other person withdraws. They stop sharing what they really think. They nod along politely but disengage internally. They might even leave the conversation without truly understanding—or caring—about what we said.
Why? Because human beings don’t respond to being talked at. We respond to being heard.
Why Listening Is the Real Currency of Influence
Influence isn’t about making people agree with you—it’s about making them feel understood enough to be open to what you have to say.
That shift—moving someone from guarded to open—can only happen through listening. And I don’t mean the kind of listening where you’re just waiting for your turn to talk. I mean transformational listening—the kind that goes beyond words to uncover the deeper story behind what someone is saying.
At CI2 Advisors, we define transformational listening as the act of seeking to understand someone so deeply that you can reflect their reality back to them in a way that makes them feel truly seen. It’s not passive. It’s active. It’s intentional. And it’s one of the most powerful tools you can develop as a leader.
The Bombardment Problem
The challenge is, listening has never been harder. We live in a world of constant noise—notifications, updates, messages, meetings. People’s attention is scattered, and their priorities can shift in an instant.
In that environment, the temptation is to push our message harder and faster to “break through.” But in doing so, we often skip the step that actually makes our message matter: connecting first.
Without connection, your message is just another ping in the endless digital chatter. With connection, it becomes something people lean into instead of tune out.
The Listening Gap in Leadership
In my work with leaders, I often hear them say things like, “I don’t understand why my team isn’t on board,” or “I’ve explained this ten times, and it’s still not happening.”
The assumption is that if people aren’t responding, it’s because they didn’t hear you enough times. But often, the real issue is that you haven’t heard them.
When people don’t feel listened to, they don’t feel respected. And when they don’t feel respected, they don’t engage. It’s that simple—and that costly.
Listening Creates the Stories That Move People
Here’s where listening becomes even more powerful: the stories that inspire action don’t come from your head. They come from their experience.
When we take the time to listen deeply, we discover the real struggles, fears, and motivations people carry. We hear the obstacles that keep them from moving forward. And we learn the small, meaningful details that make a story resonate.
If you’ve ever told a story that landed perfectly—one where people said, “That’s exactly how I feel”—it’s because you took the time to understand your audience first. Without that, even the most well-crafted narrative will fall flat.
The AI Factor
Right now, we’re in a moment where technical skills—especially around AI—are becoming the new professional currency. Everyone’s racing to learn how to prompt better, automate faster, and produce more.
I believe those skills matter. But they’re not enough.
The professionals who will stand out in the AI era won’t just be the ones who can work smarter with machines. They’ll be the ones who can work better with humans. The ones who can listen so well that they make the person across the table feel like they’re the only person in the world who matters in that moment.
No AI can replicate that. And no amount of talking can replace it.
Why Talking Too Much Backfires
When we talk more than we listen, we send a few unspoken messages—none of them good:
- “My perspective matters more than yours.”
- “I already know what you’re going to say.”
- “This conversation is about me, not us.”
Even if we don’t mean to send those signals, they land. And once they do, the trust we’ve built starts to erode.
In contrast, listening says, “You matter.” It says, “I value what you bring.” It says, “This is a partnership, not a monologue.” And that’s the foundation influence is built on.
How to Listen Your Way Into Influence
I’m not going to pretend listening is easy. It takes discipline to slow down, set aside your agenda, and really hear someone. But the leaders who commit to it see dramatic results in their ability to inspire action.
Here’s what I focus on when I want to listen at the highest level:
- Be fully present. No multitasking, no mental drafting of your response.
- Ask open-ended questions. Invite people to share more than just the facts.
- Reflect back what you hear. Show that you’ve understood—not just the words, but the meaning behind them.
The more you practice this, the more you’ll find that people open up in ways they never did before. And when they open up, they also open up to your influence.
Influence in Action
I’ve watched this work in real time. I’ve seen leaders go from having their ideas dismissed to having them embraced—without changing a single element of the idea itself. The only thing they changed was the order of operations.
Instead of starting with their pitch, they started with questions. Instead of talking at people, they talked with them. And instead of assuming they knew what the other person wanted, they listened until they knew for sure.
When they finally spoke, their message landed because it was rooted in the other person’s reality, not just their own agenda.
The Silent Barrier We Can Remove
If there’s one thing I wish more leaders understood, it’s this: your words can only carry weight if the person you’re speaking to feels heard first.
You can have the best strategy, the most compelling case, and the clearest communication in the world—but if you’re not listening, none of it will matter.
Listening isn’t just a leadership skill. It’s a trust-building skill. And trust is the soil influence grows in.
The CI2 Commitment
At CI2 Advisors, we’ve built our work around this principle because we’ve seen how transformational it can be. We teach leaders, teams, and advisors how to slow down, listen deeply, and uncover the human truths that drive action.
Because at the end of the day, influence isn’t about how much you say—it’s about how much you hear.
When you stop talking long enough to truly listen, you stop guessing about what matters to people. You start knowing. And when you know, you can connect. And when you connect, you can lead.
So the next time you’re in a conversation and you feel the urge to fill the space with more words, try this instead: stop. Listen. Ask a question.
You might be surprised at how much more influence you have when you speak less.
